Painfull secrets
by Queen of the Fae
Summary: During the summer many students are captured, and Harry Potter is the only one who was captured to stay alive, or so it was thought, and the one who survived was effected more then anyone knows. Bad summary, but if you read the story you will understand s
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1 Hermione reached platform 9 ¾ early and was able to make her way to an empty carriage in silence without anyone recognizing her. She hadn't wanted to come back to Hogwarts, but there was no where else for her to go, not without arousing any suspicion. Praying Harry and Ron would not come into this carriage she shoved her trunk on the ledge and curled up on a seat closing her eyes. She hadn't gotten any sleep the night before, in fact she hadn't really gotten any sleep for the past month. Glancing over at her bag she clutched her chair with white knuckles. The pills were screaming at her, but she could not take them, not now, someone might find it odd if they couldn't wake her up. The Pills. Her only releif for the past two weeks, her only escape from the nightmares. A muggle remedy, sleeping pills, but they were much better then the dreamless sleep spell, that never gave ones self true rest. Her lids began to close but as they did she saw again those cold blue eyes and heard the laughter as it filled her head threatining to burst. Her eyes flew open, she sat up, she would not sleep, not without the pills, there was no way she would allow the nightmares back in.  
"There you are!," Ron, smiling walked into the carriage. He looked happy, too happy, Hermione tried to smile and Ron failed to notice how fake it was. Hermione noticed Ron kept throwing odd glances at her. No, thought Hermione, it can't be that obvious, he must be thinking something else. She caught his eye when he glanced at her yet again and he blushed.  
Suddenly looking around Hermione realized Harry wasn't there, "Wheres Harry?," she asked Ron and now he looked down at his shoes.  
"He-He's with McGonagall and Lavender, because he's Head Boy." Hermione understood, Ron thought it was odd that Hermione was not Head Girl and didn't want to bring it up. Who would have thought Hermione wouldn't be Head Girl? She was practicaly made for the job. But she had gotten the letter, and realized there was no way that she could cope with work that came with the honour. Not now. She had written back, telling them she couldn't do it, she had not told them the real reason, but they did not question her.  
Smiling up at Ron Hermione tried to ease the tension that was radiating out of her friend, "I did get the letter but I told them I didn't want to be Head Girl." Ron just stared at her and her smile faultered. He wasn't just going to believe that, It wasn't something Hermione would do. At least not something that the old Hermione, the only one he knew would do. She racked her brain, what would the old Hermione have turned down that honour for, then it came to her, "I thought that with the NEWTS coming up I had better study hard. I need high marks and I didn't think that I could study as much as I need to if I had to deal with all the rotten kids. In fact I have already started"  
"Oh," Ron nodded and sat down with a hard thunk and starded unwrapping a chocolate frog. The silence slowly blossomed over the space, and began to smother Hemione. Why did she have to come early? She should have come right before the train left, and other people would be to deep in conversation with eachother to notice her. Her eyes started to close again but she made them stay open, glancing up at ron she realized that he did not find the silence awkward at all. He was engrossed in eating, and had probably forgotten that she was even there.  
"So.," Ron glanced up from his food at Hermione as she thought of something to talk about. "So.are you going to be keeper on the quidditch team again this year?" Ron blushed and shrugged, he probably would be, that last game he had played had apparantly gone realy well. She felt bad that she hadn't been there to watch it. Again the silence began to fill the carriage and the voices of Hermiones nightmares began to once again fill her head. She tried to talk to keep them out.  
"I'm surprised Lavender got Head Girl instead of me, I had thought that it would be Parvarti." Stupid girl, you think you can escape, oh no, your mine. "I wonder whats taking Harry so long, it is taking him a long time isn't it?"No ones going to come to save you, they don't care about oyu, if fact they don't even know that you are here. "It didn't take this long when we were prefects, hey you're not head boy? Thats weird usualy prefects become the Head Boy and Girl." They aren't going to look for you, you don't matter to them. Only Harry matters. "Where is Ginny and Neville I wonder, are we early or something? Except you would have come with Ginny right?" Now be a good girl, it wont hurt, oh come on it will only hurt if you struggle, but make sure you scream nice and loud, Harry is in the room right next to us. Oh, yes, and he will hear everything that happens in here. He might not know it is you, but he will still hear, aww, poor Harry being subjected to that. What, cat got your tongue no, well then we will just have to-  
"Hermione, Hermione wake up," Rons voice swam in to her head, he sounded panicked, she tried to open her eyes, and only saw blurs of colour. "Come on 'Mione, wake up!" This time when she opened her eyes everyhing looked normal and Ron sat back, releif clear in his eyes. "Are-are you okay, you were shaking and you were all pale and," Rons voice broke off as Harry, Ginny, and Neville walked into the carriage. They all started chatting at once and Hemione moved over to sit by Ron to leave room for evryone else.  
"Don't tell anyone about what just happened, or I will hex you so bad you will never want to be seen in public again." Ron gulped, looked nervously at Hermione and slowly nodded his head. Hermione smiled and lay back staring into blankly at the roof so that she would not have to talk to anyone. She listened very carefully to their conversation, though so she could shut everything else out of her head. She should have known it was too good to last, no one was going to ignore her for the entire train ride. Beside her she felt Ron shift and someone plunked down beside her, not even looking she knew it was Harry.  
There was a pause before he began to talk, "So.You're awfully silent, I suppose you are upset." Hermione looked at him sharply but luckily he continued before she had a chance to say anything, "I mean, not getting Head Girl and everything. I thought that was just odd, I asked McGonagall, but she wouldn't tell me why. So.I'm sorry." Deciding not to tell Harry the truth she saw Ron begin to open his mouth but shook her head quickly and probably the memory of her threat kept him from saying anything. She gave Harry a shaky smile and nodded. Thankfully that was enough of an answer for him and he turned to speak with Ron.  
Lying back this time Hermione had thoughts of her own to keep the memorys out. She realized that Harry had been deeply changed this summer, and no wonder. Not many people had gone unchanged from the Dance. So many people had died, and Harry was the only one who survived being taken captive, or so he thought. Realizing that this was leading to dangerous grounds she focused on the new Muggle card game Harry was teaching Ginny and cleared her mind of everything else untill they reached Hogwarts. 


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2  
  
As all of the students filed into the school to take their places at the table they realized that instead of the beautifull decorations their usually were, everything was draped in black, and all of the teachers looked very somber. No one made any noise, and the sorting of the students was a very quiet event, with a bit of sparse clapping here and there. The sorting hat did not even sing a new song, but sang the one from the year before. Once everyone had taken their places Dumbledore stood, and for probaly the first time in all his years at Hogwarts did not have to tell the students to be quiet.  
"For the first time ever in Hogwarts there are huge empty spaces at all of the tables. These spaces once belonged to students, friends, relatives, and overall great people. So many died a month ago, and the only survivior was Harry Potter." He paused and looked at Harry over his glasses. This time, people were not amazed he had lived, they did not think it was such an great thing. Hermione could see what people were thinking; Why should he still be alive when he is always there and so many other people have died? But there was one other survivor, one no one knew of, and hopefully, thought Hermione they would never know. She looked up from the table as Dumbledore continued his speech, "I would like to welcome all of you new students, and hope that you to will help us in the fight against Voldemort. A shudder went around the room at the sound of the name, and even, Hermione noticed, Harry cringed at the sound. "Although this is a very somber time, I hope that all of you do enjoy your year at Hogwarts.and I sincerely hope that there will be no more casualties." With that he sat down and mountains of food appeared on the tables.  
Almost at once the new students broke into chatter, but the older ones were quiet. The empty spaces held deep meaning and great sorrow for all of them. It was with immense pain that Hermione noted the empty spots of Seamus Finnigan, Neville Longbottom, and Parvarti Patil. She did not bother to see who else was gone, there were to many people, to many people dead. A small tear trickled unseen down her cheek. Glancing over at the Slytherin table she saw that there were not as many empty spaces, not as many people gone. She cringed at the sight of Malfoy, and did not notice that he seemed hollow and not there. He was very quiet and there were deep shadows under his eyes.  
  
* * *  
  
The next day a silent group of Gryffindors met up with a quiet group of Slytherins as they made their way down to the dungeons for their first class of potions. This time no one was insulting eachother, no one was even looking at eachother. Although not many Slytherins had died some did and that had affected them. Hermione kept glancing at Malfoy and her hands clenched tightly, leaving little half moons on her palms from her nails.  
In class she could not concentrate with Malfoy sitting so near her and she kept slipping away from the real world back into her nightmares. "Hermione! Are you paying attention to me? I asked you a question.twice." Snape leered at Hermione, a cold glint in his eye. Hermione looked up to him, her eyes so cold and emotionless she could have sworn that Snape had fliched but he quickly regained his composure. "Miss Granger are you going to answer me?" She just kept looking blanckly at him and maybe it was because of the lack of response that he left her alone. He turned away from her and went to pick on other helpless students. She gulped as she realized that never again would Snape turn away to pick on Neville, never again would she get in trouble for helping him. But she did not cry, she had already cried enough, there was no point anymore. Suddenly she was to overwhelmed by a mixture of unnamed feelings that she thought she might be sick. All she knew was that she could not stay sitting in the same room as Malfoy.  
Hermione began to raise to her hand, hesitated, then she put it up all the way. She was shaking slightly, but doubted that anyone else could notice it. Snape swoped back over to her desk and glared down at her, "Yes, Miss Granger? Do you finally have something to say?"  
Deep down she was shaking, but pushing her feelings of unease away she said in a steady voice, "Yes Proffessor. May I go to the infirmary. I'm afraid that I do not feel very well." It wasn't a complete lie, she truly didn't feel well, but she was not going to go to the infirmary. Snape glared at her for a moment then waved his hand towards the door. He walked over to his desk looking thoughtfull then pulled out a big stack of papers and started to read through them. Taking this as leave to go she packed up her bag and stood up to leave when she felt a hand grab her arm. She looked down and saw Harry peering up at her. Other then Malfoy he was probably the one other person she couldn't stand at the moment.  
"You all right 'Mione?" He inguired looking worried. She puled her hand away sharply then glared at him. Without a word she slung her bag over her shoulder, spun around and stalked out of the potions class. Everyone looked at Harry then looked at towards the doorwat Hermione had just exited and looked shocked. Snape looked more thoughtfull then ever.  
Hermione felt bad about doing that to Harry, she just couldn't stand to be around him at the moment. It isn't his fault she reasoned, he did not choose to be born famous, and it is not his fault that everyone thinks he is more important then other people. Yes, she wasn't mad at him, but she was still hurt by his presence. Instead of heading down to the infirmary she turned right and headed up the staircase towards the Gryffindor common room. She thought of Malfoy and found it odd that he had been so quiet during class. She thought that he would have been gloating with the advancements that the Death Eaters had made over the summer. He should have been glad that his father had not been caught with the other Death Eaters, but he seemed lost and distant. As if something had happened to him to make him cold, something bad enough to chabge him from who he was.  
Or maybe the mask he has always worn has finaly just disappeared.  
Shivering hermione gave up on trying to foguring what was going on, she wasn't sure where that thought had come from, but it rang true.  
Looking up she realized her feet had carried her to the Fat Lady's portrait. "Tinkle Winkle," she muttered then stepped through the hole and smiled when she saw that luckily the commom room was empty. She glanced at the giant arm chairs and longed to curl up in one and just let herself cry but instead she forced herself to go up the staicase to the girls dormitory.  
Sge swayed and clutched the doorway as a wave of nausea hit her. She was sick, but it was just from the memories of the past month, nothing that Madam Pomfrey would be able to heal. It had already been two weeks but the mamories were still fresh in her mind and she didn't think she would be able to forget. Standing in front of her mirror she roughly pulled up her sleep and stared at her underarm. The Skull mark of the death eaters stared back at her. There was no way she was going to be able to forget, not anymore. Walking over to her desk she grabbed the bottle of pills sitting on the corner. She pulled a glass of water out of the air with her wand and swished two of the little white pills down. She walked over to her bed, pulled the curtains around her and fell down into a dream free sleep. 


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3  
  
As soon as potions class was over Harry and Ron headed out of the dungeons straight to the infirmary. Harry glanced over his shoulder at Ron, a small crease on his forehead. "I wonder what is the matter with Hermione? She was acting weird in potions today, but she wasn't like herself yesterday either, she has been very quiet. It almost seems like she is mad at me, for some reason." He shook his head, confused.  
"Maybe she is just sick," said Ron, "She did look terribly pale." Ron was trying not to think about what had happened in the carriage. He wasn't sure whether he should tell Harry or not. He didn't believe that Hermione was just sick, there was something more then that wrong. Reaching the infirmary they paused a moment to catch their breath. Harry stepped forward and quietly pushed open the door and Madame Pomfrey came bustling over, wiping her hands on her apron.  
"All right, who's injured now?" She inquired of the two boys standing inside the doorway. "You both look perfectly fine to me."  
"No one is injured, we are just here to see Hermione."  
Madame Pomfrey looked puzzled, and then suspicious as she glared at the boys, "Hermione you say? Well no, she isn't here; I haven't seen her in here since the last time she came to visit the two of you. Never injures herself that one, you're always the ones getting hurt." Realizing she was getting off track she asked, "is there a reason that she should have been here?"  
"Umm.." Ron looked beseechingly at Harry.  
"No she shouldn't be here, and we thought that maybe she was here, I mean you never know. We just thought she might have injured herself. We couldn't find her, she was probably up in dorm or something."  
Squinting at the two of them Madame Pomfrey spoke, "If there is anything wrong you know that all you have to do is-"  
"No, no were fine, thank-you," said Harry backing away as Ron nodded in agreement. Back in the hallway they looked at each other in shock. "Does this mean that Hermione was.skipping class."  
Ron just shrugged, again thinking of the incident on the carriage. Trying to decide if he cared more about finding out was wrong with Hermione or being hexed by her he headed towards the common room. Harry and Ron stepped through the hole into the room but saw that it was completely full. They looked around for a full minute before they were convinced that their friend was not present. Harry sighed and fell down on to a couch, and Ron sat down beside him.  
"She must be in her dorm," Harry hissed.  
Ron turned a very dark shade of red; " I am not going to the girls dorm."  
Sighing again Harry gave Ron an exasperated look, "Oh come on Ron, it is just their dorm. For some reason I highly doubt that they are running around naked up there." Harry gave a little smile as though he only wished that they were.  
"No but there could be like stuff hanging around.like underwear." Ron's voice went very quiet at the word underwear. "Oh come on, you are seventeen, not ten, I'm sure you have seen underwear before," Harry grabbed Ron's arm and tugged him along behind him up the stairs. Behind him Ron was protesting about how he had seen underwear, but not Hermione's and how he really didn't want to. Stepping into the girls dorm they saw only one of the beds had its curtains pulled closed and assumed that it was Hermione's. "She must be asleep, let's look around," Harry walked over to Hermione's desk.  
"What if she wakes up and finds us here?" inquired Ron, his voice wavering slightly. He kept glancing nervously at the four poster bed and flinched visibly as he saw a bra on the floor beside it.  
"Harry turned to Ron, his eyes wide, "I don't think she will," he held out what he had found. An almost empty bottle of sleeping pills. Ron didn't say anything, it was too late to tell Harry about the carriage now, because Harry would wonder why he hadn't told him before. Turning away he began to look through the rest of her stuff but twenty minutes later the sleeping pills were all that they had found.  
Ron looked up at Harry, he was sitting on one of the other girl's beds. "We should probably go before someone comes up and finds us here." "I suppose," Harry nodded, but he didn't want to go, as they left he looked back at Hermione's area, certain there must have been something they had missed.  
At dinner they made excuses for Hermione, saying that she just had a slight cold and should be better in the morning. Neither of them ate much and they kept looking at each other, their worry reflected in each other's eyes. Neither of the boys ate much and they quickly left the great hall and went up to their dorm.  
Lying down on their beds they sat in a comfortable silence, each deep in their own thoughts for a little while. "Why was I the only one to survive?" asked Harry finally breaking the silence, "So many people were taken and I was the only one who was rescued."  
Ron cleared his throat; they had stayed off of this topic ever since it had happened. "I guess, you're important, because of the prophecy and everything. They can't risk loosing you, Harry. I know you won't talk about what happened in there but I know it was horrible. You should talk to Dumbledore or something, I can't answer any of your questions. I'm glad they rescued you, but I still don't know why they did save you and no one else." He closed his eyes, "I'm just glad Hermione wasn't taken, because if she had been taken and hadn't been rescued-"Ron broke off but Harry knew what he was thinking. If Hermione had been taken at the dance and she had died, Ron might have found it hard to be around Harry. Harry already found it hard to be around himself, he sighed and rolled over, he was done talking, he didn't know what was wrong with Hermione, but he didn't want to talk about it. He just wanted to sleep.  
"Good night Ron." He fell asleep before he was even sure whether Ron had heard him or not. 


	4. Chapter 4

Snape walked into the infirmary and strode over to Madame Pomfrey who was at the moment tending to a second year Ravenclaw with a broken arm. While waiting for her to finish he surveyed the rest of the room but did not see any signs of other students. Rising Madame Pomfrey jumped when she turned around and came face to face with a very grim looking Professor Snape. Regaining her composure she smiled, "Hello, is their anything I can help you with?"  
"Yes, I was wondering if Hermione Granger came in here today, during last period?" Snape managed to semi remove the mostly permanent sneer on his face.  
"Hermione, for gods sake no! Why do I keep having to tell people that. She isn't here, and she hasn't been here. Now if there is a reason she should be here could someone please just tell me instead of just fleeing." She glared at Snape and he felt his heart sink. He didn't like Hermione, but he knew that she would never skip class. Or at least he had thought that she would never skip class, until now.  
"What is going on?" He asked himself quietly, but not quiet enough.  
"I don't know! But maybe if someone would be kind enough to inform me I would really appreciate.Severus..Proffesor." She trailed off, Snape had already left the room. She glared at the closed door and stalked away into her office.  
Sinking down into an arm chair in front of his fire Snape pushed back his hair out of his face and sighed. That Granger girl was no problem of his, but he couldn't help worrying all the same. There was obviosly something wrong, that was the first time in six years that she hadn't been paying attention in class. He stood up and decided to go take a quick visit to Dumbledore. He should at least be alerted something was wrong, just incase As he walked out of his room he looked back at his chair and suddenly realized how tired he was. Her problems could wait until the morning, it didn't need to be dealt with right now. Smiling grimly he walked back to the chair and sunk down into it, immediately falling into a dreamless sleep.  
  
* * *  
  
Hermione woke suddenly with a burning pain on her right forearm, she sat up gasping and saw moonlight was streaming through her window. Trying not to wake her companions she threw on her robes and went down to the common room.  
"Damnit," she muttered to herself, "I'm coming, you can make the pain stop any time now," but it just went on hurting, and she knew it would until she was able to get to wherever Voldemort was. It was impossible to disaparate out of Hogwarts school grounds, but you could get wherever you wanted within the school. She held her breath and with a cool feeling of wind blowing around her she was standing in the secret tunnel that led to Hogsmeade. Sprinting down the long tunnel she held on to her arm tightly willing the pain to dissapear. Finaly she was standing in Hogsmead, with a quick look around, and seeing there was no one there she dissaparated.  
She looked up and saw Voldemort standing there in front of her, the pain in her arm was gone, but he sent a shock of pain into her back. She fell to her knees, bowing. "My Lord," she gasped. As he let her stay there she quickle organized her thoughts. She was as glad as she could be at that moment, in that situation, that it was only one on one. If it had been a group and Snape had been there.shutting out her thoughts she rose, she could not allow Voldemort to know that she knew Snape was a Death Eater. Or let Snape know she was a Death Eater.  
"Granger, how good it is to see you," his face twisted into a sadistic smile. "If you would please sit down," He gestured to the high backed chair beside him and she sat down, staring stright ahead. She worked hard to keep her hands from clenching on the armrests entwined with snake heads, and gilded with rubies. "Have you gotten any information yet?" He glared as she shook her head. "No? Well one would be almost thinking that you hadn't even tried to find anything out."  
She snapped her head around to glare at him, "I haven't even been at school a full day yet, and yet you expect I have information? Fine here is what I know, Harry and Ron are idiots. All of the teachers are idiots. Everyone at Hogwarts is idiots. I don't know how I didn't see it before." Trying not to flinch away as he carresed her cheek she stared into his unfeeling cold eyes. He smiled yet she could only tell by the wrinkles developing awound his eyes, there was no feeling in them.  
"Ah, there is some of the spirit that I so missed since the last time I saw you." He turned away, "Just make sure it stays that way, you wouldn't want me to grow bored of you know would you?" She didn't answer and she knew she didn't have to, they both knew the answer to that question.  
"So is that the only reason you brought me out here? To question me? I have no information, can't I just go back now? If I am to tired in the mornings then won't they be asking questions? We don't want them to be getting suspicous." She trailed off knowing perfectly that Voldemort would send her back or keep her there because of whatever he wanted. He wouldn't heed anything that she was saying anything.  
Voldemort turned away from her and beckoned into the shadows behind him, "Well, you see I would send you home, but questioning you isn't why I brought you here. A certain.friend.of yours was missing you." Hermione tried not to flinch as Lucious Malfoy stepped out of the darkness and smiled at her. She held her head up high and walked over to him, taking him by the arm.  
"Hello, its been awhile," she smiled at him, pushed all sense of feeling to the back of her mind and felt herself go numb. 


End file.
